Love At Every Size Read online

  Love At Every Size

  Jesse Jordan

  Copyright © 2019 by Jesse Jordan

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Created with Vellum

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Epilogue

  Excerpt: Once Burned

  About the Author

  Chapter 1

  Louden- The Problem

  The knock at the door surprises me, I’ve been going over the newest practice films for the team and when I do that, I tend to get totally zoned out. I must have missed the first couple of knocks though, because this time, they’re pounding hard on the door.

  I look up from my computer, wondering who it might be, and pause my video. “Yeah, who is it?”

  The door opens, and Jamie Prescott, the Athletic Director’s secretary, sticks her head in. “Hey Coach Graham, did you forget my e-mail?”

  “What e-mail?” I ask, pulling up my inbox and seeing that I’ve got something from her. “Oh... sorry Jamie, I got in from my morning workout and just went into prep mode. Two hours of put my head down and zone mode. You know how it is.”

  “Yeah, I know how you are,” Jamie says with an amused shake of her head. Considering that she’s known me for over a decade, since my playing days here at Mount Reston University, I guess she’s got a right to find me a little funny. “You’re getting better though, when you were a player you’d keep those earbuds in all the time, people had to hit you with a stick to get your attention back then. I still don’t know how you didn’t go deaf.”

  “Simple, I just kept the volume low,” I reply with a laugh, opening her e-mail. “Ah hell, sorry. The AD wants to see me?”

  “Yep, about five minutes ago. Think you can dump the pick and roll work to go see him right away, or should I tell him you’re busy?” Jamie asks with a smirk.

  Wiseass. Then again, when you’ve been around as long as she has, you’ve earned the right to a few smart remarks.

  “I’ll follow you up,” I reply, putting my computer to sleep and following Jamie up to the AD’s office. After all, I’m only the assistant men’s basketball coach, there’s no way in hell that I’m going to tell the man to piss off unless I’ve got something major happening.

  Like death, maybe. Actually, I think death might be debatable.

  “Coach Graham, have a seat,” the AD says, his eyebrow lifted when I knock on his door. He knows me well, he’s not pissed off but just amused too. “Let me guess, tape review?”

  “Yes, sir,” I answer, sitting down in the leather chair opposite his side of the desk. “Sorry I didn’t come, I told Jamie I totally missed the e-mail.”

  The AD waves it off, picking up a remote control as he does. “Not a problem, Louden. I called you up here because the university’s got a problem that I want your help with. If you’d let me?”

  He points the remote at the TV to our right and hits the power button, the screen flashing to life and I immediately know what this is about. “Ah hell sir, not this again.”

  “This again,” he says, pressing the play button. I can’t help but feel my face turning red in shame as the biggest scandal of the past five years plays out on screen.

  After winning the Pizza Bowl (yeah, a stupid name, but it was our first bowl game ever, we’ve been a small college for decades), a group of players decided to be college students, and started partying. Not a bad thing, in my opinion, the football players were just letting off steam after a long, hard season.

  What was a bad thing was the way that a group of twenty of them decided to get drunk and go around campus, acting in general like assholes. Along with serenading a sorority house, they’d come across the main quad where a group of some of the bigger girls on campus were just minding their own business until Reggie Klinger, starting linebacker and for sure one of the biggest stars on the team, started making fun of the girls.

  One of the girls had an iPhone, and next thing the university knew, a three minute video of drunken football players mooing at the girls and calling them every synonym for ‘fat’ that could go through their alcohol fueled brains hits social media before being picked up by the sports stations.

  I’ve seen the video before, I’m pretty sure everyone in the entire athletic department has, but still the AD makes me sit through the whole damn thing before he pauses it, just as one of the poor girls breaks down in enraged sobs at the harassment. “So what do you think?”

  “I think that Reggie and all of them need to be taken out into the middle of the damn quad and forced to run wind sprints until they puke and cry worse than that girl is,” I reply honestly. “I’m ashamed to say that they’re part of the same university that I coach and played for. Too bad Reggie’s a senior who declared for the draft.”

  “Too bad,” the AD says with a tired chuckle. “And I agree with you, they brought shame to the Mount Reston name. Louden, for the week since this hit ESPN, I’ve had the Chancellor, the Board, and more breathing down my neck. They want something done about it.”

  “I gotcha sir, but why call me up here about that? We don’t have that problem with the basketball team, you know Coach Two Eagles wouldn’t tolerate it. Besides, he’s the HC, not me.”

  The AD nods, sitting back. “You’re right. It’s not the basketball team I’m worried about, but the whole department. So does the Chancellor, and you know that Dr. Snow doesn’t screw around on this sort of thing. So we’re taking action on this. You’re going to be the point man.”

  I groan, rubbing at my temples. “Sir, really? I mean, it’s hitting the put up or shut up time of basketball season. Sure, we’re not exactly going to the Big Dance this year, but we’ve got a good crop of young talent. We build now, and next year we’ve got a chance on a good season.”

  “It’s exactly why I’m tasking you with this,” the AD says, “among other reasons. Let’s be honest, while the football players might have been the ones who pulled this dumbass stunt, there’s going to be others in the athletic department who are just as damn dumb, and just as liable to pull the same shit.”

  I sigh, then nod. He’s right, most college athletes tend to be... well, overly hormonal alpha types who can act stupid when least expected.

  Seeing my agreement, the AD continues. “Louden, I’ve arranged with you to meet with a BoPo Counselor, setting up information sessions for the athletes.”

  “BoPo?” I ask, unsure. I haven’t heard of that before. “Uh, clue me in please?”

  The AD leans back, setting the remote control down on the desk. “I just found out about it myself from the Chancellor. It’s Body Positive, or what the fat acceptance people are calling themselves nowadays. Basically, they’re saying that it doesn’t matter how fat the girl gets, you’re supposed to treat her like a princess.”

  I nod in understand, and the AD continues. “I’ll hold my personal opinion on the matter. Now, I’m not expecting you to be able to change the minds of the Neandertha
ls we’ve got on the football team or anything like that, but I do want them to know that the sort of shit that Reggie and the rest of the football team did isn’t going to be tolerated. After this, and all the #MeToo stuff, it won’t be tolerated any more. I might not be able to do a damn thing about Reggie, and I might not be able to change their private attitudes. But I will come down both feet on any athlete, scholarship or not, male or female, who embarrasses Mount Reston like that. And if it keeps the big girls off our backs, that’s a plus too.”

  I read what he’s saying, even if I don’t like it too much. The Athletic Director’s old school, the sort of guy who grew up in the old Southern football traditions where star players were treated like gods around campus. He definitely played a little grabass himself when he was a player back in the seventies, and probably still wouldn’t make anyone’s list of leading feminists among the faculty.

  But he’s trying to keep up with the times, which I can at least respect. The man’s willing to try and change some. “I gotcha sir, but seriously, why me? I’m in the middle of the season, and I’m not exactly someone known as being big bodied myself.”

  “Which is part of the exact reason you got chosen, Louden,” the AD says. “Like I said, there’s going to be educational counseling sessions for each and every athlete, in team groups. I send this poor girl, whoever she is, in there alone, they’re going to blow her off or worse. I don’t need some chubby girl crying on the local news saying that Mount Reston’s athletes are a half tamed zoo of jackasses.”

  Yeesh. And the AD needs to stay as far away from this as he can as well. Chubby girls? Might as well start the scandal countdown now if he’s involved. “Sir-”

  “But the players, each and every one of them, respect you. You speak their language, you can connect with them, and they know that you’ll bust their ass if you have to. You carry street cred with the athletes, Louden. They know you’re a former Mount Reston player yourself, maybe one of the most famous to ever come out of the basketball program. Now, you’ve got a few days to get your stuff together before the first meeting with this counselor and then you’ll be delivering the first speeches right around conference tournament time. If things need it, we’ll repeat the whole damn thing during summer practices and fall ball. God I hope not, but Dr. Snow was insistent.”

  I sigh, nodding. It’s not a burden I want, but there’s no way out of this it seems. Besides, the AD’s prejudices notwithstanding, at least he’s trying to do something about this. “Okay, I’ll give it a shot. What’re the details?”

  “I’ll have Jamie send them to you on e-mail. Louden, you do this right, and you’re going to get big kudos with the Chancellor and a few others. You’ve got a little while before your first meeting, so don’t sweat it.”

  Getting up, I shake my head, but then give the AD my best look. I’m not a player any more, I’m a professional, a coach. That means I get the job done. “Okay, I’ll do my best. Listen sir, I gotta get ready for practice, I’ll give Jamie’s e-mail a once over this evening.”

  “Okay Louden. Take care, and good luck tomorrow night with State. They’re tough this year.”

  “They’ve got a good big man, it’s gonna be a war in the paint. We’ll just see how it goes,” I reply, giving him a thumbs up. “See you at the game.”

  * * *

  Practice goes well, and while I’m not too sure if we’ve got the talent to beat State tomorrow, the team is as ready as it’s going to get. After the last guy leaves the court I take one of the balls and head out to the free throw line, putting myself back in the zone. Dribble, dribble, chamber, extend, release...

  “Looks like you’ve still got it,” a slightly hoarse voice says behind me. I glance over, chuckling as my friend, coach, and mentor Billy Two Eagles stands at the three point line, his trademark towel over the right shoulder of his team polo. He’ll be in a suit tomorrow, but for now a polo and track pants is his typical wear. “Think you can lend Sean your touch with the jump shot while you’re at it?”

  “He’s coming along Billy,” I reply with a shake of my head, jogging over and getting my ball and setting up for another free throw. “The kid’s just a freshman, give him time.”

  “State’s not going to give him much time tomorrow,” Billy says, looking back towards the locker room. “Feels strange, Louden. Back when I started coaching, a team would have at least four or five seniors on it, most of them dressing for games. My first team ever had three starting seniors, and the only freshman on the dress squad was a kid who was already six ten and has a sweet move off the pick that let him be a scoring option as well. Now we’re starting three freshmen tomorrow, and the team’s only got two seniors on it total.”

  “You can thank the one and done draft system,” I comment, taking another shot. “Not a lot of guys want to put up with the stress of college basketball without some sort of payoff. At least, not a lot who are good.”

  Billy sighs, grabbing my basketball and passing it to me. For a man his age, he’s still got decent zip on his passes. “So, how was your meeting with Carl today?”

  It takes me a minute, then I remember that Carl is the AD’s first name. Billy’s the only person I know who uses it. To me and most of the other coaches he’s the AD, to Jamie he’s Director Nelson, but Billy’s been around a while. To him he’s just Carl. “He wants me to meet with a group over the whole football scandal. I told him I’d do it, but I’ll be honest Billy, I’m still not convinced I’m the guy for this job.”

  “Really? When I told Carl two days ago I wanted you to take it, I was thinking exactly the opposite,” Billy says, surprising me. My next shot goes off because of it, and Billy laughs lightly. “Always could get in your head.”

  “You were the one who put me up for the job, Billy? Why?” I ask, exasperated. “Seriously, it’s a fucking football team scandal. Why get me involved at this time of year?”

  “Three reasons,” Billy says, passing me the ball. “First off, because the football team isn’t going to do shit beyond covering their ass, you know that. It’s who they are, it’s what they do. You remember how bad they were when we were a I-AA school, now that they’re playing with the big boys, they’re even more insufferable. Second, it’s just the right thing to do. I know I look old to you, and yeah I waited a long time to start my own family, but it reminded me of a niece I’ve got that’s the same age as some of those girls. She’s a big girl too, many Native American girls are, even Lakota like me. All I could think of as I watched it was what if that was my niece? I wanted some asses kicked, but I want this job done right too. But most importantly Louden, I did it for you.”

  “Me? Talk some sense Billy,” I say, taking another shot. At least I hit this one, even if it is a little ugly.

  “Louden, I haven’t told anyone except the AD this, but next year is my last year,” Billy replies quietly, flooring me. “Don’t look at me that way son, I’ve been coaching college basketball for going on thirty five damn years. It’s part of the reason I got started with a family so late. This game, this ball, it takes it out of you. And I’m not keeping up with the evolution of the game any more, I just don’t have the energy. Besides, my youngest son enters high school next year, I talked with his school, and with him. I’ve missed every chance to actually coach and watch my own son play ball since he turned five years old and started playing. I don’t want to miss this chance. So I’ve been pushing the athletic department to hire you as the next head coach.”

  “Billy... I don’t know what to say,” I reply, tucking my ball under my arm. “I mean, I’m flattered. I’m still surprised you gave me a shot after my playing days were done, you know why.”

  “Which has nothing to do with your ability to coach, Louden,” Billy says. “Son, you’ve got all of the tools that you need to be a good coach. You connect with the players, you’ve got a good mind, and you care about these kids. What you lack is something that isn’t on court but off court.”

  “Like what?”

&nbs
p; “Louden, you can be as winning a coach as you like, but if you can’t connect with people who aren’t other jocks, you’re going to find yourself on the short end of the stick when it comes to boosters, with the administration, all of that. Let’s face it, Dr. Snow doesn’t care about the mechanics of how to hit a fade away. She cares about other things, things that you sometimes don’t like talking about. This is your chance to get that sort of experience.”

  “That’s what worries me honestly, Billy,” I admit, shaking my head. He starts heading off the court, and I follow him, we’ve still got hours of work to do. “I mean, what do I have in common with these people? This BoPo counselor, how do I connect with someone like that?”

  “How does an old Lakota from Seattle find connection with a country kid from Tennessee?” Billy asks in reply. “Find a place, Louden. I’d give you some pithy Indian saying, but the fact is, I don’t have one. Just basketball. Come on, I’ll buy the take out tonight while we get ready for State.”

  “You’re on. And Billy?” I comment as we start up the stairs. “Thanks. For believing in me.”

  “Yeah well, show me that my belief is in the right person, and we’ll call it even.”

  Chapter 2

  Denise- A Lonely Challenge

  It’s both encouraging and discouraging to see the number of faces in the group tonight, our weekly BoPo meetings have grown so much from when I first started the group two years ago. From three we’ve grown to over twenty three, and that’s a good thing.